Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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