I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
