so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
