Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
