I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize