There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
