one two three fourrrrnication!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
