im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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