I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
