im so drunk with asians
where?
always
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
