He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
