...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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