hotel room ftw
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
