Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
