It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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