Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
