Tell her she can't have a vagina
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize