I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will pee on everything he values.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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