idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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