How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
