his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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