update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
