There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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