got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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