that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
