we have pet lesbian snakes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
