i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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