you didnt know i had herpes?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
