apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
