roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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