I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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