Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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