Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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