It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize