she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
