So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize