I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
