I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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