Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
