he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
