so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
