I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize