Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
