A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
