Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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