out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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