Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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