Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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