I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
