i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
