i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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