hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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