I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
