You really coming over, don't trick.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize