Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's rum buckets o'clock
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
