3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
