Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
