We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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