I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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