haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
