Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
