dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
