Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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