My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
