Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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