I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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