It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
