this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
