how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
