3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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