i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
