I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
