last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do herpes really smell.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
