Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize