just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The struggles of a small town man whore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
