3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
